This is a piece written for the Story Dam weekly writing prompt “Through the eyes of a child”. We were asked to either write a piece describing a location from the perspective of a child (Dam Burst) or an alternate perspective than what we are used to. (Wet Feet)
This is my first ever attempt at a writing prompt, so I guess you could say I’m not letting the dam burst and I’m barely getting my feet wet, it’s more like ‘dipping my toes’ 😉
So, I share with you:
More than a cupcake….
I sat in my chair taking it all in. The women wearing dresses made of colorful skirts with layers of ruffles. The men wore ties and shirts that matched their partner. In the background was a stage, and on it was a band playing the music where a singer called out moves like do-see-doe’s and promenades. Sometimes they would change partners. Sometimes they even danced in a line.
Even though this was a site in and of itself, it wasn’t enough to keep my attention for long. Because on the other side of the room was the longest table I had ever seen. This table? It was the reason I really wanted to go watch my grandparents dance. Cupcakes, pies, cookies and cakes of all shapes, sizes, and flavors. That’s what I had come to see…and sample.
The music slowed and so did the skirts. One final partner change and bow and those treats were about to be mine.
Standing at the table trying to decide what I’d fill my plate with first was as close to winning the ‘Golden Ticket’ to visit Mr. Wonka as I was going to get. And I was ready to make the most of it while I had the chance.
Then, there they were- the cupcakes I spotted when we first walked in the door. These cupcakes were perfect, with a mountain of chocolate frosting and a cherry placed right on top. And one of them was going to be mine.
Oh it was heaven in a pink cupcake liner. So were the cookies with just the right amount of chocolate chips and pecans. These two things alone would be worth coming back for again.
A little while later the music started up again- the band warming up for the next round of dancing.
Skirts were soon twirling again, feet moving to the time of the song. I was enjoying myself even more, the sugar high making it even better.
By then my plate was empty and I glanced over to the table. One perfect cupcake stood there as if it were waiting for me. Calling my name. I knew if I didn’t eat it, and savor every bite, I would think of nothing but that cupcake until I finally lucked out and had the chance to devour another. So I did just that.
Not long after it was time to go. It was late and I was getting sluggish having eaten all those goodies. My Grampa carried me to the car.
For a long time I would have done anything to go back, for just one more cupcake.
…..Now I’d do anything to go back, just to see my grandparents dance.
I wish I could offer some concrit but this was so well written from a child’s perspective. Any child would naturally be eyeing the cupcakes at such a function. Well I would be eying the cupcakes at any function! The last line touched my heart “Now I’d do anything just to go back and see my grandparents dance,” Our memories are all we have sometimes but I’m so thankful for them.
Thank You Julie, I have so many memories with my grandparents. When I sat and thought about some of them for some reason that one was the one that kept playing in my mind over and over. I hadn’t thought about that night in years. Memories are precious, and I’m so glad I have that one.
Thank You for stopping by, I appreciate it 🙂
Memoirs are very hard to critique simply because it is someone’s memory, LOL. I love the lead in with the descriptions of the skirts and the colors and the dancing and how you looked forward to the cupcakes. It’s like you had to wait for your grandparents to fill your plate then sneaked another cupcake while they were dancing. So very much a child throughout this whole piece. Beautifully written. You totally took me there.
Thank You… and yes I waited for what seemed like forever for that cupcake 😉 And p.s. I so snuck the second one, lol!
I appreciate the compliments, and glad you stopped by to share in my memory.
What a lovely tear-jerker!
Someone already mentioned that it’s hard to critique a memory – but I do love memoirs with a moral lesson. It’s beautifully revealing.
Thank you for stopping by K 🙂
Brandi, you did a fantastic job for not having written in a long time.
(Obviously) I knew (know) your grandparents, but to be able to pull me into a memory as you did here was impressive. I can picture them throughout (and you, cupcake sneaker).
On critiquing, I would say just work on structure some more. You can transform your “vision” into words, now it’s time to clean it up a little. No worries. You will get there very soon.
Great job! Keep it up. Way to put yourself out there!
Thanks Babe, you of all people know how hard it was for me to hit publish.
With the help of you and others from Story Dam, it’ll be a piece of (cup)cake in not time 😉
That last line, …to see my grandparents dance…. oh, so beautiful, so heartfelt… love, love, love! The entire piece was so vivid with color and life, I could see it all. My only critique, and it is a small one, was I wish I could have shared in the taste of the treats. My mouth is watering in anticipation over the delicious descriptions, and I’m craving just a little hint of vanilla or chocolate flavor on my tongue in order to be complete. 🙂 Overall, a scrumptious piece!
Thank You Donna, I really struggled with whether I was giving enough detail or too much. I appreciate the feedback, and now I so want another cupcake…okay maybe 4 more more cupcakes 😉
I just want to say that your comment is beautifully written, wow!
Hugs, now I’m off to make some chocolate frosting!