Kids are expensive. Understatement of the year, right? With new fire-retarding regulations, cute baby clothes are more costly, disposable diapers never seem to follow the cost-demand formulas, and if you can’t breastfeed, God help you on formula.
Planned parenting resources and friends will tell you that the expenses can add up quick, but what they don’t tell you is that inflation has wormed its way into every aspect of raising a kid.
Case in point:
We had a loose tooth incident recently. Due to mental scarring (thanks to her epic coffee table faceplant fiasco), we normally end up having lengthy discussions with my youngest about tooth loss. This time, however, she was excited about it.
She was about to make some loot.
Evidently, while on vacation last year, she lost one of her smaller baby teeth. Ok, she didn’t so much lose it as it started to loosen and she, along with her older cousin, tried virtually everything short of the ‘tooth-tie-door-slam’ technique of pre-mature self-extraction. (I think there’s something wrong with both of them.)
Needless-to-say, they succeeded. The tooth was immediately prepped for sale to the illustrious Tooth Fairy. As I am told, her great aunt the Tooth Fairy left her two dollars for it.
TWO DOLLARS!
When did the Tooth Fairy start paying like this?! Better yet, why the hell was she so cheap when I was a kid? I can remember thinking that I was banking when I got a quarter! Now, of course, if the TF doesn’t at least match the previous quarter’s sales, my nine year old will be running around like that paperboy from Better Off Dead!
And it doesn’t stop there, folks!
Thanks to the wonders of advertising, you can be the proud owner of dolls that actually move and talk all on their own! Oh, yes, it’s true! They figured out that if you use a delicate combination of green screen technology and industrial light and magic, Barbie mermaids will, in fact, swim all by themselves in the tub and Pokemon can, and will, duke it out in your living room! Right before your very eyes!
Want to see a highly pissed off child? Simply open the package.
I can’t fault the company for trying to make a buck. Good for them. Sometimes they even make them affordable!
And, oh, that look of excitement and wonder in their little eyes just makes your heart melt. Then, they say the doll needs new shoes—maybe a whole outfit. Why not? So, you go to the store.
Want to see a highly pissed off adult? Simply check the prices for accessories.
Here’s the gist of it:
Doll: $6
One new outfit (ingeniously designed by people who hate children): $6 (hmm…)
One set of outfits (designed by people that are indifferent about children): $29.99 (holy crap!)
One closet full of totally cute clothes (apparently designed by Jottum): $475.99 (*choke* *gasp*)
One car, (because the commercials lied about the doll’s ability to walk—manufactured by Mercedes): $269,999.99 (*Curse* *Faint* *Child now mad and crying because you obviously don’t love her*)
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to scare you be afraid, be very afraid nor am I advocating lying to your children honey, the toy store burned down. There just comes a time when you have to take a stand. (Usually around the decision between whether or not to eat that week and having to say ‘no’ to a new toy request.)
I say we bring back sticks and rocks—and pennies! Those were fun, right?
Who’s with me?
Baby picture used under creative commons guidelines – picture retrieved from https://www.girlsjustwannahavefunds.com/2008/08/waiting-to-have-a-baby-because-of-finances/
We should totally start a homemade pet rock movement! (by we I mostly mean you because I am not at influential.)
Also have you noticed kids being moguls or that just my kid? She asks to call my mom or one of my sisters and the next thing I know she’s trying to sell them a crayon drawing she just slapped together, starting price $5.00….I don’t even know.
That’s what I’m talking about! Pet rocks FTW!
That is hilarious! And no, it’s not just yours. Both my youngest and oldest have tried to randomly con me out a few bucks here and there. Usually for simple stuff too. Conversation sounds like, ‘hey, will you throw this away for me?’ ‘Sure, give me a dollar.’ (By this point I’m throwing it away myself. Either way they win…brats…)
So expensive. So unbelievably expensive.
But two dollars for a tooth? I dunno. You see, When I was growing up I got at least a Loonie (you know, a Canadian dollar). And when the Twonies came out, I might have gotten one of those too. I wonder what the average going rate for a tooth these days are. I had kind of always imagined that with childhood expectation inflation, we’d be paying for my son’s teeth in bills (which, for us Canadians start at $5).
LOL! Wow… I now have a much more extensive knowledge of Canadian money… didn’t see that coming today!
I didn’t choose this rate… I just have to follow it now… THANKS TF!
Good luck with that. I put a sign in the front yard and replaced the deadbolt… She still showed… sneaky little… 🙂
Ouch.
Seriously: Ouch.
We have one (just one) loose tooth so far. No complaints over here- none at all! 🙂
Keep the bar low… seriously… lol!
Thank you for the comment!
TWO DOLLARS?! Lordy. I was thinking I could get away with a quarter. Who knows what the going rate will be when my kid starts to lose teeth.
I’m thankful that he’s still in the phase where the cardboard box is still a better toy than the expensive, branded one, but I see those days coming to an end. Soon.
You can, trust me… just don’t let your relatives get involved playing the TF!
I still played in cardboard boxes in college (long story) keep the box alive!!! LOL!
LOL! I think that’s one of the reasons why we are “one and done”! I remember what my parents had to deal with between me and my brother…not pretty!!!
Hey, whatever works! I was on only child and I’m pretty sure I did enough for the both of mine, lol!
Thank you for stopping by! 🙂
We aren’t at the tooth fairy stage yet.
But I see now I have some saving to do.
LOL! Yeah, so much for vacationing outside of a 35 mile radius. 😉