This week’s The Red Dress Club prompt was to look at a picture and (more or less) just let the story flow. Fiction or nonfiction, word count of 600 or less. Constructive criticism welcomed.
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“Dude, you have got to me kidding me.” Joel wore his normal sarcastic smirk as he leaned on the cubicle wall.
“Shut up, man.” Kyle cocked his head to the side and rubbed his temples with one hand.
“Seriously. Nice move. I’m impressed!”
“Stop busting my balls, Joel” Kyle moaned. “I was running really late this morning.”
“I mean… really? That’s the best you could do?” Joel chuckled.
“DUDE! Get off my ass, ok?”
“I can’t wait for the boss to see this. He’s gonna have a goddamn heart attack.” Joel’s smirk turned into a full smile.
Kyle rested his head in both hands and began rubbing his cheek bones and forehead. Joel continued to laugh to himself and shake his head.
“What’s going on, jackwads? Who’s the fag who decided to bring those girly, pink, fucking doughnuts to the conference with the president of ManCorp this morning? Was that you, Joel? I always knew you were a queermo!” Jamison boomed.
“Quiet your loud ass down!” Marylyn, the boss’s secretary, eyed him with her death stare.
“Oh, go shove some of that curly-q sprinkled homo-dough in that pie hole!” Jamison retorted.
“Up yours, Koslowski!” She spat, giving him the look again.
“Damn it James, you know she just got that lap band thing done, right?” Kyle sighed.
“Whatever. She’s a bit…”
“STOP! Don’t you have to get ready for the presentation?” Kyle gave him an upward nod in the direction of his cubicle.
“HA! Like they’re going to be able to pay attention with those pepto frosted squirrelly cakes glaring at them. Seriously, whose dumb ass idea was it to bring those?” Jamison chortled.
“Yours truly here.” Joel pointed at Kyle with an upturned thumb and smiled even bigger.
“No kidding. Well, well, well—looks like we got ourselves two queermos! Later, Nancy-boys!” Jamison walked toward his cubicle shaking his head.
Kyle stood as the front door to the office swung open. Joel turned to walk toward his cubicle. “You have fun explaining this one. I’m going to go tell the intern he can start moving his stuff into his new cubicle, here. Nice working with you, bro!” he laughed.
“Whatever dude. See you in a few.”
Kyle walked toward the conference room to explain the unfortunate lack of plain, glazed doughnuts at the corner bakery earlier that morning. As he rounded the corner, the boss stood looking at the spread with a quizzical look on his face.
“Sir…” Kyle started.
“I asked for doughnuts. Plain doughnuts. This looks like Cupid took a shit on the platter!” His mouth hung open slightly.
“Yes, sir, I…”
“Well, sweetheart, better go find yourself a nice apron, ‘cause you’re serving these damn things, not me.” He looked at Kyle and grinned.
Kyle knew the look. He didn’t need the confirmation, but he got it with that smirk. The office ‘bonehead’ award would be in the bag next week. No doubt about it.
~~~
The doughnut picture was used under permission via the TRDC site.
Awesome response. Laughed out loud. Great job!
Thank you so much! I see you got yourself a fancy new avatar too! Nice!
Once I got over the male perspective (very refreshing), I enjoyed this quite a bit. “Cupid took a shit on a platter” is my favorite line by far.
Thanks for stopping by! My spam filter caught you. Luckily there were some typos I had to fix or I may have missed you for a while! I appreciate the comment!
“cupid took a shit on the platter!” OH. I’m giggling and it’s killing my sore throat, but I’m reading it and giggling some more anyway. This is just too good to only read once.
You have a couple of typos near the beginning, btw. I’m wondering why Kyle was rubbing his head, then his cheek and etc. Did he have a headache and that’s what happened as a result? Where did the headache come from, or perhaps he got sweet talked by my Kate into buying some? (Ha.)
This was light, and fun. I bet it was as much fun to write as it is to read it.
Thanks! That’s always awesome to hear. I appreciate you pointing the typos out, also. Those were dumb, tired mistakes (like the lack of the opener… I’m surprised I managed to get this posted, lol!)
And yes, this one made me laugh also. 😉
OMG LMAO this is so classic! I am laughing so hard, I can see a couple of people at my work doing that!
Erin, I can too. I have worked with these same people at more than one job. Office banter. Gotta love it!
Brandon, this was just lovely.
KIDDING! I read every word. It was hilarious and believable. Truly well done. You stuck to your style. The characters were refreshing. It was a fun read, although poor Kyle, right?
You had a lot of great lines in there but OMG my favorite? “…cupid took a shit on the platter!” Still laughing at that one; so totally stealing it! 🙂
Thank you so much, Galit! I’m glad you thought it was funny!
You don’t have to steal the Cupid line, use it all you want. I don’t think that is something I am going to say too many tim… yeah, I can’t pull that off. 🙂
Great story and very believable. Makes me wonder if any of it’s true 🙂 I love your dialogue – it’s very real, you write it well.
Thanks! I have not been involved in or overheard any of this, specifically, Jamie, but these are the kinds of conversations that happen around me all the time.
Thank you for the comments and compliments!
Very entertaining write Brandon. I loved how accurate the badgering was and how brutal to comments could get. Really enjoyed reading your work. You’ll have to check out my post. New installment of my YA series.
Thanks! Guys can really get after one another (girls too, actually!) I will stop by for sure! 🙂
I love this! I’m tempted to say those guys are a bunch of asses, but women can be the same way. I’ve worked with them!
This story definitely make me laugh. I’m determined to find a way to use “It looks like Cupid took a shit on a platter”!
Determined, huh? LOL! THAT is funny!
Thank you for reading! I appreciate it!
okay – maybe I just have a sugar hangover from all the donuts – but I found the ‘man’ conversation to be a bit too much, the vocabulary doesn’t bother/offend me – it’s just – I would have liked to see the dilemma he went through buying the donuts – more of his own mental dialogue OR even what happened when the cupid shit was presented to the big dogs . That’s my only offering – it’s was a good laugh – but I want something more. Maybe I need some coffee to go with all these donuts….
No worries. I was told elsewhere that I went a little heavy on this. They made almost the exact same comments. It is definitely going to be noted for later! Thank you for the concrit! I appreciate it!
I can see what Amy is saying re: wanting more of the main character. We don’t get that much of him, but at the same time I’m also not sure if he IS the main character. His coworkers almost seem to have more presence. I am interested in what direction you take this in, if you keep going. Good luck!
You know, I thought about that when I was writing it. Kyle does get lost a bit, but with 600 words, what can you really do? I suppose I could have adjusted more. Another lesson, lol!
This was refreshing to read after I have been through some really serious posts. I would have liked to maybe see him rushing from home to the bakery and freaking out a little over not having the right donuts.
Best line ever:
“This looks like Cupid took a shit on the platter!”
That is hilarious, and I agree!
Thanks, Amy. I am thinking my back stories need a little work… That’s what we’re here for, though. Getting better! Thanks for your concrit! 🙂
I just loved the premise of this, but my favorite part was the anticipation of seeing him squirm while waiting to see what the boss would say. I also liked that the boss was ultimately a bit more mature than the rest of the crew – he didn’t need to be harsh since the office guys would clearly take care of that for him.
Thank you! I was hoping I captured the ‘Oh crap’ feeling that Kyle had! Thanks for the comment!
Wow, total male dialogue. You did a great job conveying these guys. I didn’t really like them, except for Kyle but I mean that in a good way. You perfectly painted the picture of a bunch of jerks that would drive me nuts if I was still in the corporate world 🙂 My favorite line was everyone else’s favorite line too.
I don’t think Joel is too bad. He’s a ‘razzer’ but a good guy. Jamison is an ass. I agree with that one. He reminded me of Farva from SuperTroopers. (I may lose followers after this comment.)
Thank you for your comment!
So funny. You’d never hear women talking to each other like that, but men? Totally.
I was waiting to see what ManCorp would say when they sat down at the table. You left me hangin’, man!
I suppose that depends on your definition of women, lol! I have been witness to very similar conversations between them. 😉
Thanks for stopping in!
I like the ManCorp spin as to why everyone was even more intense about making fun. It does make me wonder what kind of business this was, in that even the boss was throwing around some attitude. I thought the cupid and the apron lines were hilarious, but without extra info I just didn’t buy them coming from a “boss” there. Sorry- probably just me thinking back to when I worked in various office settings.
As far as the rest, the trash talk between the guys, even tossing that girl into the mix, I loved that, as I have been there and done it, being the only woman in a crew of men who talked freely in front of me. Next thing you’ll need to do is a spinoff with some bathroom humor. 😉
I gotcha. No need to apologize at all! Great comments. I have been around these kinds of settings too. Sometimes funny, sometimes not. Thanks for the suggestions and things to think about!
Such a potty mouth! Who knew?! 😉
I really enjoyed this….it was fresh and a nice change up for the prompt. Guys are so bad when it comes to busting chops…you captured it well!
Great job!
LOL, I know, I know… it was necessary for this piece. Sometimes it has be done… 🙂
Thank you!