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Brandon P. Duncan

Maker of mischief. Teller of stories.

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You are here: Home / Original Short Fiction / Everything must go!

Everything must go!

Published on April 26, 2020Filed Under: Original Short Fiction Tagged With: Humor

It’s that time again! The weekly TRDC (The Red Dress Club) prompt post! This week we were asked to imagine we’ve just had a fight with a friend, a co-worker, husband, significant other, child. We’re mad and want revenge… Write a humorous listing for eBay or Craig’s List for something of theirs we would sell!

So here it is:

~~~

Hope you enjoyed the post. Probably a little over the top but, hey, it happens, right?

As always, your comments and criticism is welcome and appreciated!

Written by BrandonPDuncan. There are 80 Comments. Leave one too! I love to chat.

About BrandonPDuncan

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Kelly K @ Writing with Chaos says

    February 24, 2011 at 20:18

    I love it! Perfection in matching the craigslist information (I ran out of words).

    I love the description of the items and their damage.

    Awesome.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 24, 2011 at 20:26

      Thanks, Kelly. I admit, I stole the format, but tried to change everything that said CL – no need to get arrested over a post, lol! I was kind of disappointed, I saw a link to CL ads after I finished the post… I did what I could! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  2. Caitlin's Concepts says

    February 24, 2011 at 20:24

    LOL!! Love this!!!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 24, 2011 at 20:27

      LOL! Thank you!

      Reply
  3. Amy Hillis says

    February 24, 2011 at 20:27

    *snort* “faint urine smell” I like how it does actually look like a real listing – and I can imagine the woman that posted this, reminds me of the Angela Bassette movie where she loaded all her man’s clothes into his sports car and set it on fire… (Waiting to Exhale)..anyway, Funny stuff. Thanks for the giggles.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 24, 2011 at 20:42

      It’s been a while, but I remember the movie, lol! Thank you for the comments! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  4. Leighann says

    February 24, 2011 at 21:01

    Awesome post!!!
    I love the detail!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 24, 2011 at 21:10

      Thanks, Leighann! Such a faithful commenter! Always great to see you! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  5. Carrie says

    February 24, 2011 at 22:44

    I love the “faux” listing look! Very clever.

    Reply
    • knitmyrhino (sandi) says

      February 24, 2011 at 23:02

      that is the icing on this cake, isn’t it? I love it!

      Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 09:29

      Thank you, thank you very much!

      Reply
  6. Sara says

    February 24, 2011 at 22:45

    Leopard skin pants! love it! thanks for the full visual.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:06

      I thought that was a nice touch! Thank you for commenting!

      Reply
  7. knitmyrhino (sandi) says

    February 24, 2011 at 23:00

    BRILLIANT! You should probably throw in those toothbrushes and sneakers that have been doused in ketchup, mustard, ranch dressing and dog feces. That will really get them selling!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:06

      I didn’t even think of the toothbrush! DOH! That would have been hilarious!

      Reply
  8. The Drama Mama says

    February 24, 2011 at 23:09

    I love that you used an actual ad for your template. So funny.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:07

      I wanted to add a little pizazz… (and I’m a nerd… I admit it…) ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  9. Fragrant Liar says

    February 24, 2011 at 23:29

    I’d like to come over and have a look at those things in person before I make an offer. I hope your place is not a wreck when I get there.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:09

      The house should be easy to find, lol! I considered saying something about furniture, but decided against it… thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  10. Mandyland says

    February 24, 2011 at 23:33

    I loved the “look”. I had to do a double take at first.

    As for the actual post…

    HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:10

      LOL! Thanks for coming by, Mandy! Yeah, I’m sure someone is going to secretly check CL for this, lol! (It won’t be there…) ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  11. JR Reed says

    February 24, 2011 at 23:51

    Shit yeah, dude. *Chest bump*

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:11

      Back at you! I can’t wait to see what you did!

      Reply
  12. Jessica says

    February 25, 2011 at 05:30

    Oh I love this, love the leopard print pant pic reference. This is the perfect revenge posting and SO realistic-looking.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:11

      Thank you! Who doesn’t love leopard print, right?! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  13. Angel says

    February 25, 2011 at 05:37

    Came by from TRDC and I love this.. The pants, the clubs. the gay porn magazines bWHAHAHAHA

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:13

      Thanks for stopping by! Glad we could link up. Thank you for taking the time to read it! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  14. Emily @ Kibble n' Dribble says

    February 25, 2011 at 06:17

    HA HA HA HA….breathe… HA HA HA
    Oh my lord, I loved this. In particular the line (mostly gay) to the porn.
    Nailed it.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 06:20

      LOL! I love it when people say ‘breathe’ that paints such a funny visual! Thank you for reading! I wanted him to get busted out for something big, not just cheating. The gay porn thing did it, I think! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  15. Sue says

    February 25, 2011 at 06:52

    Ooooh…I HATE it when I accidentally drop the XBOX two stories. Ouch.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 07:11

      LOL! I am so glad someone really caught that! Thanks Sue! ๐Ÿ˜€

      Reply
  16. Kris says

    February 25, 2011 at 07:41

    LMAO. Very funny!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 08:07

      Thank you! I appreciate the comment!

      Reply
  17. Brandi says

    February 25, 2011 at 07:57

    Darn iiiiiitttttt…. I knew I should have had them include in my discharge papers from the hospital that I shouldn’t read your posts….. apparently someone CAN die laughing!!

    Another great one ๐Ÿ™‚

    p.s. can you pick up some depends from the commissary today? I think I wet myself, sorry for the mess ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 08:07

      LOL! You crack me up, woman! Thanks, Babe! ;*

      Reply
  18. Bri says

    February 25, 2011 at 08:56

    LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 09:22

      THANKS THANKS THANKS THANKS!!!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  19. Amy says

    February 25, 2011 at 09:39

    Hell hath no fury like a woman’s scorn! Visiting from TRDC. I love that you actually used the CL format, and were so creative with your post. Great job!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 09:55

      Indeed it does not! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thank you Amy, and welcome! I hope you like the blog! Look forward to working my way around and commenting.

      Reply
  20. Unofficial Mom says

    February 25, 2011 at 09:52

    You had me at faint urine smell. That was wicked, and wickedly funny.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 10:01

      LMAO! The visual alone makes me laugh too! Hovering, cursing, and mumbling incoherently… good stuff! Thank you for stopping by!

      Reply
  21. Mrs. Jen B says

    February 25, 2011 at 10:03

    Brilliant – love that the xbox was accidentally dropped 2 stories…Great stuff!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 10:11

      It had it coming… most of them do, lol! Thanks for commenting! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  22. Rita @YippyMomma says

    February 25, 2011 at 10:06

    OMG. Hilarious.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 10:13

      Thank you! I appreciate the comment! Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  23. Nichole says

    February 25, 2011 at 10:25

    Brandon…I am honestly typing through tears from laughing so hard.
    The description of the car was hysterical!
    Then, just when I could breathe again, you mention glitter and I was gone.

    Awesome job!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 10:45

      That puts a big smile on my face! Thank you for the compliment and comments! Great prompt! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  24. Elaine says

    February 25, 2011 at 11:43

    I love how the XBOX was “accidentally” dropped 2 stories! HA HA!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 11:51

      LOL! I liked that too! Thank you for commenting!

      Reply
  25. Brandon says

    February 25, 2011 at 11:45

    HEY YOU! It’s easy! We’ll get you details, I bet you would have fun!

    Thank you for the comment! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
  26. Nancy C says

    February 25, 2011 at 12:41

    So, Tiger Woods moved to Pennsylvania?

    Good stuff. Very funny.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 14:38

      DING DING DING! And there it is! I was waiting for a Tiger Woods reference, lol! *Johnny, tell her what she’s won!* Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
  27. CDG says

    February 25, 2011 at 13:49

    That poor car.

    Sell it cheap, but don’t disrespect the car…

    The rest of it?

    Perfect!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 25, 2011 at 14:35

      LOL! Yeah, I’m fond of Mustangs myself… sometimes they gotta take a beating, lol! Glad you stopped by! ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  28. Rebecca says

    February 25, 2011 at 14:49

    Hey, are you selling Tiger’s things? ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Reply
    • Brandon Duncan says

      February 25, 2011 at 14:59

      LOL! No, but I did think about him when I wrote this… Funny… Thanks for stopping by!

      Reply
  29. Cheryl @ Mommypants says

    February 25, 2011 at 16:41

    I snickered through this entire thing! Really funny stuff, and I love how it looks like a real ad.

    Reply
    • Brandon Duncan says

      February 25, 2011 at 16:59

      Thanks, Cheryl. Glad you were able to get a laugh out of it. Great prompt! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  30. Mad Woman says

    February 25, 2011 at 19:40

    You NAILED it! I would absolutely expect to see this in the “best of” category on CL. Good job!

    Reply
    • Brandon Duncan says

      February 25, 2011 at 20:41

      LOL! Thank you so much! I appreciate the comment!

      Reply
  31. Sangeetha says

    February 25, 2011 at 22:07

    Too funny . . . love the accidentally dropped xbox, the faint urine smell in the golf bag, loved it all

    Reply
    • Brandon Duncan says

      February 25, 2011 at 22:10

      Thank you! I appreciate you stopping by!

      Reply
  32. Katie says

    February 26, 2011 at 12:04

    This is fricking hilarious. Seriously. I hate to see what happens to the GUY when he gets home! eek!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 26, 2011 at 19:30

      LOL! Well the clubs will be sold by then, so he’s got that going for him! Thanks for stopping by! ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  33. Karen Peterson says

    February 26, 2011 at 13:08

    Very funny! You already had me, but that photo at the end just really made this post hilarious!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 26, 2011 at 19:31

      Thanks, Karen! I appreciate the compliment!

      Reply
  34. Stacey says

    February 26, 2011 at 15:50

    Ha! I love that it looks like a real ad! I’m wondering what that “red paint” really is! ๐Ÿ™‚ Great ad!

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 26, 2011 at 19:32

      Thank you! I’m not sure what it really is, but from what I gather, it looks VERY similar to the car’s paint. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  35. Jessica Anne says

    February 27, 2011 at 21:32

    Ha! I love the XBOX for parts and the glitter on the pants! Gotta say, sounds like he deserved it, but the poor car.

    Reply
    • Brandon says

      February 27, 2011 at 21:58

      Yeah, I suppose he did… I feel bad for the car too, though, lol!

      Reply
  36. bridgetstraub.com says

    November 14, 2011 at 16:01

    Well this is quite the shift from last week when you had me crying sad tears. loved the way the red paint kept being reintroduced.

    Reply
    • brandon says

      November 15, 2011 at 01:45

      Yeah, I like to switch things up, lol!

      Thanks for stopping in!

      Reply
  37. Brandi says

    November 15, 2011 at 08:45

    Still gets me every time ๐Ÿ™‚

    Reply
    • brandon says

      November 15, 2011 at 14:08

      Me too. Picturing this happening in my head is really the funniest part, though. ๐Ÿ˜‰

      Reply
  38. The Drama Mama says

    November 15, 2011 at 11:00

    This is still just as funny–maybe even slightly funnier- the second time around.

    Reply
    • brandon says

      November 15, 2011 at 14:05

      I’ll admit, I still kinda chuckle at it myself. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Reply
  39. Martha Rodriguez says

    November 15, 2011 at 13:31

    OUCH!

    You did a terrific job Brandon. HILARIOUS!

    Reply
    • brandon says

      November 15, 2011 at 14:07

      Thanks, Martha. I had a lot of fun writing this. The format on the other hand was a pain in the butt. That’s what I get for trying to be an over achiever, I guess, lol! Thanks for reading!

      Reply
  40. julie moore says

    November 16, 2011 at 09:08

    I can only imagine what he did to deserve this! Hilarious Brandon! Loved it especially the golf clubs. My hubby cherishes his golf clubs , that had to hurt the poor guy. Assuming if he was real I mean.

    Reply
    • brandon says

      November 16, 2011 at 10:13

      LOL! Yeah, I went with cheating on this one. I think most folks would agree that a woman scorned would care little about his “favorite things” other than to cause them harm. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Thank you for stopping in. Glad you got a chuckle out of this.

      Reply

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