This week, Story Dam asked us to do the following:
Your prompts this week are about solving the crime in 600 words or less. Can you do it, Sherlock?
- Dam Burst – Write a piece in which your character catches that dramatic break in the case and is on the verge of putting all the pieces of the puzzle together. Help us solve a classic “who-dunnit” but don’t tell us who it is! Let’s see if we can guess for ourselves in your comments!
- Wet Feet – For your prompt, we need you to work on building sequence and suspense. Don’t solve the crime for us, but see if you can make us feel like we are your partner during an investigation of a crime scene. Watch an episode of some cop drama or a movie like The Bone Collector to help you get inspired.
Here is my take on the prompt. Notice it is “continued”? I wonder who is going to take this case to the next level?
Enjoy the story. Please leave constructive criticism. You’re comments and notes help me improve!
“Something just isn’t right.” Detective Lewis stood in the register isle, his arms crossed and shaking his head.
“What do you mean? This is an open and shut case!” Detective Murray threw his hands in the air. He hated working with Lewis.
Chief Andress put the two together on purpose. The district kept track of the length of time cases took to close out, using the data to help set their portion of the city budget. Murray was a go-getter. He prided himself on being a fast and keenly smart closer. Lewis over-analyzed everything he was involved in. Andress was looking for a more efficient team. It didn’t work as planned with these two.
“Lewis, you have got to be shitting me. We have the cashier down behind the register. He’s got a shot damn near in his heart with no exit wound. He’s in a puddle of blood the size of Delaware. And he has a shotgun in his grip.
We clearly have the robber in a puddle of his own right in front of the door. He’s got a shotgun blast in his back. The pistol is right in front of him. And he has a wad of cash in his pocket. What is there to figure out?
Robber points the pistol at the clerk, the clerk gives him the cash, and robber shoots and runs—only he misses the mark. Clerk, here, grabs the shotgun from under the counter, doesn’t miss his mark, then drops.” Murray stared at Lewis.
“There’s something missing. It’s too clean and easy.” Detective Lewis said.
“We like clean and easy. Plus, the manager was here. He witnessed the whole thing! He says that’s how it went down.”
“Why was there no tape in the security system?”
“Who knows? I guess they forgot to put the DVD in this morning.”
“I still want to know why the time lock was open and almost empty.” Lewis stated.
“Look, the manager already said they were in the process of clearing out the excess for deposit. They had a slow night. It was bound to be empty.” Murray started getting mad. “Damn it, Lewis! There’s nothing left to figure out! Take a good look at yourself in the mirror! You are losing it!”
Lewis followed Murray’s finger, looking back toward the security mirror mounted on the wall.
“Wait just a damn minute…” Lewis’ forehead furrowed.
“Oh, what now…”
“The manager said that he was walking out from his office over behind the cooler when he saw the guy at the counter pointing at the clerk, right?” Lewis questioned.
“These shelves are high. He can’t see over them. I can’t even see over them and I’m probably six inches taller than him.”
“Yeah, ok, what are you getting at? That’s why the set up the mirrors in the corners like these.”
“Exactly. Can you see the register from either one of these? They’re both pointed toward the floor!”
“What? Well, I’ll be damned!”
(…to be continued…but where?)